as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
