just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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