it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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