i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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