So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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