You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize