The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
