i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
