I'm so fucking centered right now
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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