I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
