Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize