This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
