I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
