went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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