i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
