Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
we should paint friendship bongs
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