Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
