Jerry, you need to find god
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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