it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize