yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
