that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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