So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize