Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
