scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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