I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
