i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
