Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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