Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
