I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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