I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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