Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
