At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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