i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Two words: nipple clamps
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