Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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