I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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