I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
