Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
