Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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