honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
