She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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