no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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