You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
