I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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