My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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