the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
