She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
