Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
