The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
