i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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