what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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