so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
