You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
