i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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