So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
