No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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