I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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