Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
