wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
