Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
