margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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