also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
4 words: hood of his car
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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