A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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