Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize