Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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