my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
