its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
