thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
