If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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