what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
