I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
