just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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