yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
