last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
